In ‘Swimming Upstream: Parenting Girls for Resilience in a Toxic Culture’
by Laura Choate (OUP 2015), she looks at current culture and the impact
on girls. In particular, she identifies the three key pressures on girls
today:
appearance, attention and accomplishments.

Dr Choate, who is Professor of
Education at Louisiana State University, notes that toys and clothes
have contributed to the way girls perceive themselves. Social media has
also influenced the ways in which girls perceive society
values women. In an age where girls are surrounded by the pressures of
appearance, Queenswood’s all girls’ environment and uniform reduce this
pressure, and enable our girls to be as free as possible from this
during the school day. Pressure from social media
is something the girls are educated about both formally in the PSHCEE
programme, but also as issues arise, and in discussions with pastoral
staff.

 

Coping with online pressure

Seeking inappropriate attention, both
online and in real life, Dr Choate argues, is an increasing problem for
girls. In addition to the pressures of appearance, the emphasis on fame,
and fame achieved quickly are certainly
pressures for all young people. Social media is part of life, and
especially teenage life. The pressure to have posts liked, or a large
number of Facebook friends are well known.

At Queenswood, we hope that
our girls will seek positive attention, and we have
plenty of opportunities for girls to be affirmed. The rewards system,
Queenswood Diploma, Richard Programme, and the many co-curricular
activities give Queenswood girls the chance to gain positive attention
outside the classroom as well as in lessons. Recently,
the EU mock referendum and DT Mini-Enterprise Competition provided
the girls with additional opportunities to be proud of all they have
worked hard for, both individually and in a team. Again, effort is
recognised by the
many badges our girls wear with pride. We also help to instil in the
girls that they should work hard for themselves, and be proud of
progress.  

Parents and Teachers – working together

At Queenswood, we have girls with many
interests who are all developing skills and talents through regular
practice and ongoing effort, and we enjoy celebrating their successes
with them. The dangers of overly focusing on achievement
are that some girls push themselves too hard and risk feeling a failure,
while others will stop trying altogether to avoid ‘failure’, missing
the opportunity to learn from challenge and make progress. Concerns
about achievement can be reduced when parents and
teachers work together to focus on effort and progress instead.

In ‘Mindset: the Psychology of Success’, Carole Dweck, whose ideas are
increasingly influencing education, argues ‘If parents want to give
their children a gift, the best thing they can do is to
teach their children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy
effort, and keep on learning. That way, their children don’t have to be
slaves of praise. They will have a lifelong way to build and repair
their own confidence.’  

As parents and teachers it is good to
reflect on current cultural trends, and to consider how we can help
these young women in our care swim against the negative aspects of
current culture. We want to help them have a balanced
view about appearance, seek attention positively, and know that
accomplishments and achievements are good to strive for within a Growth
Mindset approach, but in healthy moderation, knowing that their
self-worth is not based on this.