Amy Chua first coined the phrase ‘Tiger Parent’ in her 2011 book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.  A Yale law professor with two daughters, her own upbringing influenced her parenting choices, so that access to TV, computer games, sleepovers etc for her children was dependent on top grades. This strict upbringing was credited with successful academic outcomes.

Since then there has been much debate, including the book countering these views by Tanith Carey, Taming the Tiger Parent, published in 2014, which is well worth a read.

Space and Time for Emotional and Social Development

As parents, as tempting as it might be to constantly push girls to be the best, comparing them to their peers and scheduling so many extra activities and tutors to the point that there is no time to relax or play, we need to allow children the space and time to develop emotionally and socially and maintain good mental health.

The advice is that discipline through discussion and reason, encouraging independence where possible, avoiding blame and comparison with other children, and providing opportunities for children to fail are all good ways to help them develop the strategies they will need. As parents we must not live our lives vicariously, but coach the next generation to have the skills to succeed themselves.

 Recently, the Prime Minister David Cameron praised ‘Tiger Mums’ who instil discipline, and emphasise hard work, concentration, and the importance of learning from failure. Others have suggested that his view is actually a ‘tiger-lite’ approach. The importance of effort, determination, confidence to try and fail and the resilience to continue, is more in line with the work of  Carol Dweck and the latest understanding of neuroscience, than the true tiger parent.

The Queenswood Qualities

Perhaps the key is not, as the tiger parent, to push girls to the top at all costs, but to ensure they understand that resilience and graft makes a difference, and that intelligence can be grown. For this reason, we have included courage and resilience in the six Queenswood Qualities, which we will encourage girls to embrace.

With courage to try and resilience to try again, our girls will be equipped to make progress and do their best, both at school and throughout their lives.